So listen well, I am talking to you, yes you, no point in looking over your shoulder to see where the voice is coming from. You can’t see because I am not here.
Well, my physical body is not here, but you can read my thoughts. I discovered this amazing ability one day when I was so bored that I just had to contemplate the meaning of life, that is, life according to a cat. Now, life for a cat is meant to be lived, not in a cattery, surrounded by bawling kittens and complaining Mothers, howls and screams. Any normal adult cat, if they were superstitious, would believe that the Banshee was present, but no, it is just my own kind. To be perfectly honest, I am sick of listening to these kittens and their annoying Mothers who truly believe that their kittens are the most beautiful, the most handsome and the most clever kittens ever to be born since the dawn of time.It is simply not true.
How can it be true when I am the perfect cat and all the other cats and kittens should, in fact, bow down before me. I am male, handsome, charming, extremely clever, I am more intelligent than Einstein,
You put us to work, back in ancient Egypt, guarding your grain from mice. MICE, I ask you, well that one backfired on you, didn’t it. Did it not dawn on you that cats, being the more intelligent creatures, used YOU. Well, we did, you see, we like mice, we like to stalk and chase them and sometimes, ( yes I know, you are horrified), eat them. And so, our great master plan, oh yes, we had one, worked. Now cats had a plentiful supply of food and, over time, with careful training, you all became our slaves. Instead of catching mice, we captured your heart and you, in your infinite wisdom, gave us proper food, on a plate! Oh you humans are so easily fooled. Then you worshiped us as Gods, to harm a cat was punishable by death, oh those were the days, we loved this new life. You, of course, being human and fickle, changed your minds and we had to change our plan. You still fed us, you were so superstitious, and this suited us, so yet again, cats came out on top.
But, cats actually liked this, they liked being around people and slowly crept indoors until they became what you like to call “ a house cat”. This is where I enter the story because I need a house, a home with a warm, glowing fire, a bowl of food, my very own slave to fuss and cuddle me and to open and close the window when I wish to leave or when I wish to return. Don’t blame me, you started all this so now this is what a cat expects and needs. My name is Brody, a fine healthy cat, come and get me, take me home